I am feeling very grateful today, very positive, very fresh & I just wanted to remember it. Death is an interesting thing, and so is human nature. On Saturday after I heard about Bo I was devastated. It was hard to imagine doing anything or feeling completely good again. Nothing else seemed important & all I really wanted to do was cry until there was nothing left. I wanted to be alone. To mourn. On Sunday night I opened up to Bryce & talked about how I was feeling. Which felt surprisingly good. I told him how it felt like no matter what else I was doing what happened was always what was really on my mind. Even if I was laughing at something that was happening it felt hollow & forced. But then, I wrote down a bunch of memories I had of Bo. The memories I have are all positive. I read other peoples memories. I prayed about it all the time. Things started to turn around to where I still thought about it constantly, but it was more about Bo's life, & not his death. More peace, less pain. The funeral yesterday was really beautiful. The spirit was so strong & the music & talks were perfect. It granted me not only peace & closure, but perspective. When I was driving away the world felt like a beautiful & happy place. Hearing about Bo's struggles & the way he continued to serve, continued to be positive, continued to put others first made me realize how often in my life I complain about the smallest things. How often I feel sorry for myself when I am SO blessed. How often I put myself first. How much room I have to become better, & what a blessing this time we have on earth is. I continue to think about Bo often & those thoughts now lead me to think about our Savior. How blessed I am to know the truth. Each day is a new day, a day to repent, to become better, to help another, to reach toward my potential. The world feels bright & full of promise. I feel empowered & strengthened. I'm so grateful for Bo's example & I know that I will always remember him & that his memory will always make me push to be better. What a wonderful gift this life is. I want to make the most of every moment.
4 comments :
Death is never easy, but it definitely makes you wonder about life and put things in perspective, like the gospel, our own blessings, the plan of salvation and so on. I remember when Matt died I was hollow, I felt a lone and it took me awhile to put things in perspective and feel like myself. I think about his life and his death everyday and it is just as hard, but has gotten easier, especially since I have found and acted on my perspective and fallen in live. The Lord works in mysterious ways, but it is always for a reason, I have no doubt in my mind about that! I live ya Jess hang in there! Trust me I know it's hard!
Jess, you are amazing! Thank you for bring such an example to me. I love you so much!
Jess, you said all that so perfectly, I feel the same way. love you, Mom
I'm so sorry for your loss. Hang in there, chica! And know that you are loved. <3
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