Thursday, June 16, 2011

Life is Beautiful

I am feeling very grateful today, very positive, very fresh & I just wanted to remember it. Death is an interesting thing, and so is human nature. On Saturday after I heard about Bo I was devastated. It was hard to imagine doing anything or feeling completely good again. Nothing else seemed important & all I really wanted to do was cry until there was nothing left. I wanted to be alone. To mourn. On Sunday night I opened up to Bryce & talked about how I was feeling. Which felt surprisingly good. I told him how it felt like no matter what else I was doing what happened was always what was really on my mind. Even if I was laughing at something that was happening it felt hollow & forced. But then, I wrote down a bunch of memories I had of Bo. The memories I have are all positive. I read other peoples memories. I prayed about it all the time. Things started to turn around to where I still thought about it constantly, but it was more about Bo's life, & not his death. More peace, less pain. The funeral yesterday was really beautiful. The spirit was so strong & the music & talks were perfect. It granted me not only peace & closure, but perspective. When I was driving away the world felt like a beautiful & happy place. Hearing about Bo's struggles & the way he continued to serve, continued to be positive, continued to put others first made me realize how often in my life I complain about the smallest things. How often I feel sorry for myself when I am SO blessed. How often I put myself first. How much room I have to become better, & what a blessing this time we have on earth is. I continue to think about Bo often & those thoughts now lead me to think about our Savior. How blessed I am to know the truth. Each day is a new day, a day to repent, to become better, to help another, to reach toward my potential. The world feels bright & full of promise. I feel empowered & strengthened. I'm so grateful for Bo's example & I know that I will always remember him & that his memory will always make me push to be better. What a wonderful gift this life is. I want to make the most of every moment.

4 comments :

A-Train said...

Death is never easy, but it definitely makes you wonder about life and put things in perspective, like the gospel, our own blessings, the plan of salvation and so on. I remember when Matt died I was hollow, I felt a lone and it took me awhile to put things in perspective and feel like myself. I think about his life and his death everyday and it is just as hard, but has gotten easier, especially since I have found and acted on my perspective and fallen in live. The Lord works in mysterious ways, but it is always for a reason, I have no doubt in my mind about that! I live ya Jess hang in there! Trust me I know it's hard!

The Woodbury's said...

Jess, you are amazing! Thank you for bring such an example to me. I love you so much!

Anonymous said...

Jess, you said all that so perfectly, I feel the same way. love you, Mom

B and B said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hang in there, chica! And know that you are loved. <3