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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I Eat Fruit Flavored Ice Cream & Pretend It is Healthy...

True story...

People, can you believe we are already in week 34? Because it is really starting to freak me out a little!

Would you like to see a picture of the ever expanding tummy? Here is a pic of me on Sunday at the end of week 33:
I look alot bigger in real life. Honest. I think that is because in real life I slouch alot, which really accentuates the tummy area, but in photos you usually stand up strait. Next time I will try to remember to slouch, so you can get the true effect of how I really look most of the time.

I can't believe how soon the little man is going to be here! It is getting so close. I think that one of the phrases I say most commonly these days is, "I just thought i'd feel more ready." In response everyone always says you can't really ever be ready. This is true, but I thought that I would FEEL ready, even if I wasn't really, & I don't. Well today one of my co-workers gave me this paper & on it it has the "Are you ready to be a mother? Test."

Here are a few of the tests for your reading pleasure. My favorite was the feeding test.

Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and then rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayon. Place a fish stick behind the couch & leave it there all summer.

Toy Test: Obtain a 55 gallon drum of LEGOs. Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. If you step on one, do not scream, you will wake your child up at night.

Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with eight to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8pm begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these until 4am. Set alarm for 5 am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.

Final Assignment: Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

I loved this test, mostly because it made me realize that I really won't ever feel ready. I am far to much of a neat freak/control freak/selfish person to ever be ready for this task, but I'm doing it anyway. Because I know it's right. Because I have faith in God's plan. Because I'm not alone in this thing. Because I already love this little guy so much, he is my buddy, & if he stopped kicking or something happened to him I don't know how I'd ever be okay again.

So let's get ready to rock & roll people! Because he's only got 6 weeks left to cook in there, give or take :).


kim said...

Don't worry honey, you are ready in the most important already love him! Just gets better!
I love you,

Lauren Allen said...

YAY!! You look amazing, and you two are going to be the best parents! I can't wait for this new adventure coming your way!
And Pa-LEASE inform the little spud that he needs to come between the dates Aug. 4 and 7 so I can see you guys in the hospital...if that's not to much to ask! :)

Sarah said...

rock and roll! "look cheerful." hahaha! i love you. cant wait to seeee you

katelyn marie. said...

oh dear, i did indeed laugh at this beautiful test. brilliant. you are going to be a super duper swell mother, dear jessica! i love you!

ABick said...

nope. he's got till August 6th only. only before. not later. ;) but you are going to be so so great at this. i have NO doubt in my mind. love you!!

Heather said...

Cook away. I honestly can not believe you are at the finish line. Seems like only weeks ago it was 9 month to go!!!!!! You are an amazing individual, and I can't wait to meet your special little buddy!!!! Miss you so much!